When I say the word “bully” you probably think of bullies on the playground or at school. Today, I am going to talk about a different kind of bully: the mean senior citizen. Over the last few months I have had two encounters with this type of bully. The first time I was at a restaurant with my friend and her child when an older woman sitting behind us began huffing and puffing because our children were giggling. She was visibly annoyed but never said anything to us. It was her choice to be miserable and I let it go.
When people are rude I often find myself making excuses for them.
I think, “that is just how they are” or “she’s just old and grumpy”. There is no excuse for what I am about to tell you. What I encountered last Saturday was not okay and it impacted me deeply. It wasn’t fair that I had to go through this but it happened nevertheless and I did learn something from the experience.
On Saturday, Spiro, Zelda and I stopped at Mimosa in Milwaukee for brunch. Brunch was fantastic, we were having a wonderful time and everything was going well. We had finished up eating and the owner offered to give Spiro a tour. Prior to this, the amazing wait staff had embraced Zelda. They were showing her where they poured the coffee and where the kitchen was located. They loved her and she became very comfortable walking around the space. A few minutes into Spiro’s tour, Zelda decided she wanted to go find her dad. She marched over to the door to look for him. She saw he was no longer there and began walking down the aisle, giving tables her Ms. America wave as she passed. I was about two or three feet behind her when I saw an older couple in their late 70s give Zelda a nasty scowl.
I didn’t think much of it until the woman turned to Zelda and in a very mean and reprimanding tone screamed, “Little girl, what are you doing? You need to go sit down, NOW. You’re in a restaurant.”
Little girl, what are you doing? You need to go sit down, NOW. You’re in a restaurant.
At this point, I had reached their table and very gently said, “I’m sorry ma’am. She is three years old.” That was the moment she began dismantling me. With hate in her eyes she spat, “What are you the mother? Or would you even call yourself that? Clearly, you’re not very good at parenting. Three years and you haven’t even learned to control your child.”
I was shell-shocked. I couldn’t believe this was happening. My daughter had walked by her table and waved and this was her response?
What are you the mother? Or would you even call yourself that?
I instantly began having visions of throwing her across the room, placing my hands around her neck and calling her every name in the book. As I snapped back to reality, I knew all these ideas were wrong. She was a senior citizen, I was in a restaurant and my child was with me. I looked her dead in the eyes and told her, “There are so many things I want to say to you right now.”
There are so many things I want to say to you right now.
I scooped Zelda up in my arms as her husband began stabbing his plate so hard it was coming off the table. Their waters were spilling everywhere and I knew I had to remove myself from the situation as they were NOT letting up. Normally, when one half of the couple is crazy, the other half has some sense – not here. Nothing good was going to happen.
My emotions were pouring over. I was angry, sad and so upset. No one has ever called me a bad mother before. Even though I knew it was bullshit, it still hurt and made me angry in a way that I’ve never been angry before. I’ve never been so mad at someone in my life. I felt like I was in a sea of sharks and I was being eaten. All of the surrounding tables were watching us and no one was saying anything. No one was coming to my defense. I’m sure people were trying to process what was happening because it occurred so quickly. I really can’t blame anyone for not saying anything — it went from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds. I was still trying to process what the hell had happened. I felt like I was in an episode of “What Would You Do?” except there was no John Quiñones and there were no cameras.
I did what I felt was best – I scurried over to our table, grabbed our stuff and ran out of the restaurant. Spiro and the owner saw me run out and followed me into the parking lot. I placed Zelda safely in the car and then had an absolute breakdown outside. I displayed behavior I am not proud of; it was reminiscent of a six-year-old. I was having a full-blown tantrum. There was no other way for me to express myself — I was boiling over. I cried, I screamed and I called this woman words I have never used before. I knew having my daughter in my arms and getting into a full out brawl would not have been a great idea. I’m still not sure how I got myself out of there without throwing the woman across the room.
I was so hurt because I felt like I was all alone and was left to drown.
After the owner listened to my story in the parking lot, I knew he was in a difficult position. What should he do? I was a customer who was very hurt and had been verbally assaulted in his restaurant. As a business owner when do you interject? I get it, it is very difficult.
I never expected him to do what he did next. He went inside and spoke with a table sitting nearby to get their account of the incident. After they confirmed everything I said was correct (and disgusting), he approached the offending table. After receiving an ear full from the miserable couple, he let them know that their bill had been taken care of, told them they were not welcome in his restaurant and told them to gather their things and leave because his restaurant would not tolerate their wrath. The couple was VERY upset. (Thank you to one of my followers! They caught their departure on camera and you can watch the video below.)
For a business owner to step up, show that amount of empathy and be so caring should be commended. The fact that he was willing to stand up for what is right knowing he could possibly loose future business says so much about him as a person and the establishment that he is running. I want to recognize this because showing that amount of love in an aggressive situation is very rare. If you ever witness someone being verbally bashed don’t be afraid to interject. Recently, there was a story floating around social media about a woman who was being devoured by other passengers on a plane because her children were crying. Seeing what was happening, another mom stepped in and asked her if she needed help. The amount of comfort she brought to the woman was invaluable.
I’m a strong person and I can handle a lot but this situation broke me. We decided to skip the State Fair and headed back to Chicago. I was mad at myself for letting it take the day away from us and that I allowed this situation to overcome me. Sometimes our emotions are bigger than us and this consumed me.
I was mad at myself for letting it take the day away from us and that I allowed this situation to overcome me.
I felt so much anxiety and I realized for someone else this could have been a trigger point. What if I had an eight-month year old baby at home and was suffering from postpartum depression? This stranger didn’t know my situation and had just told me I was the worst mom in the world. She had no right to tell me that. She was wrong and I realized this behavior should never be tolerated.
Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, ages and colors. If you see a bully don’t be afraid to stand up and do what is right. In the moment I was paralyzed and I had lost my voice. Never be afraid to be someone’s voice and stand up when they don’t have one. When the owner stepped up to help it meant the world to me. He wholeheartedly deserves some love, so if you are ever in Milwaukee stop by Mimosa. I also really want to open this incident up for discussion. Have you had something similar happen? Should seniors just get a free pass when they are wicked mean? What did you learn? Let’s talk in the comments below.
Please note we have blurred the faces in this video for their privacy, no further shaming is needed and is not the intention of this video.
P.S. Our matching tees are part of the OMAMImini GRL PWR capsule collection which aims to empower girls of all ages and remind them how awesome they are. (And how absolutely fearless they can be when needed.) Sometimes you need a reminder of your awesomeness because it can be tough out there. Just know that as women we are strong and we need to stand united!
Part of the proceeds are donated to the Alliance of Moms, a non-profit organization whose mission is to break the inter-generational cycle of babies born to teens in foster care. Through educational programs, AOM provides practical tools that empower young moms to give their babies a healthier childhood than their own. While they know their t-shirts won’t fix the world, they are creating positive change which is something we all need to be conscious of and support! They are super soft and will be your favorite tee (I promise!).
Get Corri’s Look
Jennifer Zener: Necklace // OMAMImini GRL PWR: T-Shirt // 7 for All Mankind: Jeans // Bobbi Brown: Lipstick
Get Zelda’s Look
OMAMImini GRL PWR: T-Shirt // DL1961: Skinny Jeans // Peek Kids: Shoes
Whitney
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Sometimes I wonder how people can be so ignorant of how children are. Being well behaved and wandering is far less disruptive than being forced to sit still and screaming their lungs out. I’m glad the restaurant owner stepped up to bat for you. What a class act.
Sharzad Kiadeh
WOW. Just reading this made my blood boil. Not sure what I would have done… probably the same thing you did. Just want to take a quick second to say YOU’RE AN AWESOME MOM!!! ZELDA is SO LUCKY to have you! F those angry a-holes!
di jones
My sweet friend …. I felt my heart sink and my stomach get sick at the same when I read your post. If all children could be loved like you love your little one. The way you give her freedom — while still keeping control of her. AND If all the crabby people could stay at home and eat …. I know the type. I see them all the time. The older folk who dart their eyes about casting a heavy presence wherever they are. I feel a sadness for them. Who couldn’t look at Zelda and melt ? Especially with her waving ? Their hearts are surely hard. You handled the situation with a grace befitting of you.
Please do not let her words and his stabbing fork get in your head. This situation was on them — not you.
Sorry you missed the fair, but I sooo get that. I would have gone home and gone to bed needing to process what in the heck had JUST HAPPENED by myself !
You are woman. ROAR. Have a blessed weekend !
Corri McFadden
Thank you so much! It was a difficult encounter but after having so much time to reflect and from the support from amazing readers like you I think it will make me only a better mother moving forward. I have had so many amazing mothers share their stories with me and I believe that this seems to be a generation gap in parenting and a growing issue. I plan on putting together a follow up post next week. Zelda is a treasure and sad for them they missed out! Appreciate your support more than you know, have an awesome weekend! XOXO
Bonnie K. Garrison
Madam please my dear do not hold this against all seniors. I am 74 and i love childrenand people in general. I would have loved your precious little girl coming to my table. She is beautiful. As far as the owner Apostoli i am so fond of him i call him my adopted Grandson he calls me Nanny as do all my grandchildren. I am not surprised at all he did what he did because i have known hom for years. My dear husband died 5 years ago Apostoli adored my husband and he treated me with so much love and compassion after my hubby died. He knew my heart was broken and he has helped mend it. He is one of my best friends i know he would do anything for me. I am so so sorry that happened to you and your daughter please go back with her and I pray I’m there sovshe can come to my table and help put joy in my heart. Continue to let her visit the customers that is how they learn. You i know are a wonerful loving Mother never doubt that because this happened i wish I could meet you. I also adore Apostoli Mother and Father they are a great family I pray his restarant continues to grow. I know God will bless him. God bless you my dear hold your head up high and know without a doubt you are a beautiful Mother and you have a beautiful Daughter. I know so many of the waiters from the other restaurant they had. I love all the staff and owners. They are very special to me and I thank God he put them in my life. May God bless your family always. I hope to meet your precious loving daughter. My name is Bonnie Garrison even though we have not met i feel as though I know you.
Corri McFadden
Bonnie: Thank you so much for your wonderful message! I would never hold such a dreadful encounter against the senior community, unfortunately we just had an unfortunate run in. I am grateful that it happened at a restaurant with such a wonderful staff, we will definitely make a trip back to Milwaukee for a “do over” in the near future. Appreciate you Bonnie, hope you have a wonderful weekend! XO
Kira
This EXACT situation happened to me when my husband, his cousin, and I were in a restaurant with my 2 toddlers–now those toddlers are teens and I still remember it as though it were yesterday–it was awful! I’m sorry to hear you had to go through that and miss the State Fair. We live in the Milwaukee area yet have never been to Mimosa–think it’s time to head over there and give them some business…and I’ll be sharing your post with my friends; maybe they’ll head over there and show Mimosa some love also. Good management is awesome! Thank you for writing your post and for the courage to share your experiences. Even all these years later, it genuinely helps to hear I’m not the only one something like that has happened to and back then it helped me to tell myself, “What a cranky old woman! Well, at least I don’t have to live with her!” and then imagine her getting sucked up to the land of Oz in a freak tornado and getting a house dropped on her noggin. Bless you!
Corri McFadden
Thank you so much for sharing, I don’t think that many realize how difficult and impactful these types of encounters can be for mothers. I have had so many similar encounters shared with me over the last week and plan on creating a follow up post about some of the reflection that I have done and others stories that they have shared with me. You should definitely go checkout Mimosa, The food is amazing and the staff is wonderful! Thanks for your support and have a great weekend! XO
Grandpa V.
Just wondering if we could step back emotionally for a moment and review the issue and the reactions? As a guy who has been in both positions, I see some issues.
You empowered the sour old lady to such a degree that you let her mess up your entire day. You allowed yourself to become a version of her with your hissy fit that gave your sweet daughter the implied right to turn a sad situation into full blown, day long drama and making it all about you. Show me where, in any Mommy how-to book that is a good thing.
As an obviously erudite adult, you should have understood this to be a teaching moment for Zelda and to demonstrate that nasty people can be disarmed and their venom disabled with a few skills and an outlook that will serve your little girl for the rest of her life.
Consider for a moment that the old sour puss is miserable, probably at the end of her life with a boatload of heartache and her single comfort might be an hour out of her limited space and able to forget her pains and troubles. Does that give her the right to seethe and be mean? Obviously not, but where is there measurable difference between her actions at this stage in her life and you doing a nuclear DramaMamma and messing up the rest of the day for your husband and darling child?
Sorry, Lady, but you should have demonstrated your adult/mother/elegant wife face, blew off the old woman as a mere bump in the road to a memorable day and got on with it. You taught your daughter that self-control and being able to rise above a modest bit of chafing is never as good as a raging pout at everyone’ expense, including the poor restaurant owner. You gave your husband another view of that facet of the woman he has to feel on edge constantly lest she rise in spiteful anger. You let yourself down as it is obvious you are a much better person than you demonstrated over a fairly trivial event. Let’s hope Zelda doesn’t think this is the way smart and in-control women tend to act.
If I had a private way to tell you my thoughts, I would have used it as I think this will only cause you to defend your action and reject these views instead of possibly profiting from them. All my best to you and your family.
Corri McFadden
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on the topic. While I agree that I should not have let this miserable individual impact my entire day it is easier said that done when you are verbally attacked and also threatened by a man stabbing his knife over and over while staring my daughter and myself in the eyes. I believe you are missing a few key points to the story. My newly 3 year old daughter did not understand what what happening and I quickly removed her from the situation, when she was removed she was placed in the car and not present to me being upset. The things that were said to me are enough to take any mother down for the day. After we left the restaurant Zelda went down for a nap and we decided that it was best just to head back to the city for the day. If my daughter was of age that she would have understood that this was impacting her day we would not have made that decision and would have carried on with our original plan. We made the decision as a family, my husband was also shook by the situation as he understood what occurred was more than just a mere negative comment being said my direction. I would have to disagree with your statement “Sorry, Lady, but you should have demonstrated your adult/mother/elegant wife face, blew off the old woman as a mere bump in the road to a memorable day and got on with it” As that is EXACTLY what I did by exiting the restaurant and not engaging with them further while they verbally dismantled me as a person and a mother. It is your opinion that this is a “fairly trivial event” which I can understand since you are not a mother and don’t understand the true impact of these types of situations. “Let’s hope Zelda doesn’t think this is the way smart and in-control women tend to act.” WOW! Happy weekend to you.
Lisa
I am the owner of a small gym (not far from this restaurant) and I have terminated more than a couple of members due to bullying behavior. A couple of these have been elderly people and the altercations have been both minor physical situations (intentional body bump) and verbal. It is always the right thing to do, terminating the membership. It can’t be tolerated in any environment from any age and there is no excuse for it regardless of the person’s life situation. I expect respectful behavior and if someone can’t act like this, maybe they should stay home (or at least out of my business). If someone’s life is miserable, they don’t have any excuse to try to make someone else’s life miserable (as Grandpa V tries to state). I am thankful that the bullied members came to me instead leaving without giving me any idea about what was happening. I am impressed with how the restaurant owner handled the situation.
Arlene
I’m so very sorry to hear this happened to you. That’s awful!!! There is no excuse for her behavior, I don’t care if she was a senior citizen, no excuse!!!! How rude!!!! You are wonderful mother, knowing that you had to take your daughter out of that situation right away, and for holding back your anger, only a loving mother with manners could have done that. You just taught your daughter it is best to just walk away before things got out of hand and things were said that shouldn’t have been in a public place. So sorry she ruined your family outing. Yiu are a GREAT mom in my book! And kudos to the owner of Mimosa’s !!!!
Tonja Parrott
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your experience. I can’t tell you how often I’ve witnessed , heard and experienced once on my own. I’m sorry you had to encounter that moment.
Cameron Atwood Laidlaw
Proof that assholes come in all shapes, sizes, colors and ages!
Corri Fetman
Wow. Thank you for sharing. Love you.
Robin Balbo
I had one.. I told her off in her own language. Happens that Fabio (the real Fabio) was sitting right next to me. He roared laughing. Her eyes popped, and her mouth looked like she was holding a mouse inside of it.
Terry Poulos
So sorry you had to endure these bullies. It’s difficult when you’re frozen like that to conjure the right response but next time try having one at the ready such as “I’m sorry your life is so miserable.” Then walk away quickly before they can respond. That line kills people. Sums it up perfectly and firmly puts them in their place. I have an 80 year old “lady” neighbor who swore at me like a drunken sailor because I was shoveling snow and a scant few ice chips fell on her porch. Same with sweeping leaves (news flash, nature happens but she called them my snow and my leaves). Clearly she’s deranged. So I ignored the first two profane situations and pretended to not hear her. The third time I hurled those words right back at her and said she was a miserable human being and no lady. Misery sometimes begs for reprisal
Terry Poulos
I should preface that leaves and ice tend to fall downward through the slits in my balcony. I can’t defy gravity
Yolanda Stemer
Mean people come in all sizes amd colors…you as a Mother did the right thing..but as a Grandmother..hmmm thats another story…women like that fear confrontation the most…she had better have gone to her tie bo class…
Brittany Forbes
Omg Corri! I’m mortified for you! I don’t know how how people can be that insensitive and cruel. Kudos to you for not punching the bitch in the face. So glad the owner handled the situation like he did.
Thomas Ehrhardt
Thank you… thank you so much for this! Preach on…
Melissa Forman
Omg do I have a story for you!!!!!
Winton Lee
agreed
Darlene
I 100% understand your hurt and frustration. As a server in a family restaurant I witness this kind of behavior towards families with children quite frequently…I remind these customers that “we are a family restaurant” and children are welcome here……let me tell you that Sr citizens are the “worst” to wait on….they expect children to be perfect when they
(Seniors) themselves are so lacking in manners and respect!